the wanderlust in me is itching again. thank goodness i'm heading back to school. at least i'll have something to do.. places to go, countries to visit (: maybe up to ireland this term.. dublin? then to nyc next year feb during reading week. and hopefully santorini & mikonos easter break. PLUS austria perhaps with angie in june. if ming does come up, then squeeze in spain too :p HEE. i want to go barcelonaaaa. AND japan in summer definitely with angie baby. yippee. and with all the various uk cities to visit.. nottingham, cambridge, bristol, liverpool yada yada to visit in between. its looking to be a good year (: just gotta rmb to keep my resolutions eh.

random weird memories keep popping into my mind.

the past year felt like such a blur of everything

tonight was bloody hilarious & pretty fun. bumped into pumpkin at deb's birthday party :D so i happy happy. heehee. i've missed pumpkin!

funny things of the night :p
i've got a skanky ho.
'my' skanky ho got grinded by someone in his underwear
i got kissed many times and had alot of alcohol infused saliva left on my face

skanky ho doesn't like to eat mango outside because 'i have a tree... that grows mangoes'. wthHAHAHAHAHA

nothing makes me happier to hear the pitter patter of raindrops on my window (:

well unless its in e morning and i have to wake up in the cold and walk to school in e rain -.-

ello shib (;

friends are the sunshine of life

- john hays

i hope i'm a ray of sunshine to my dear friends (: a ray of moonlight to light the way would be great too.

hello to you, you, you & you.
to you.
to you.
to you.

i feel this swirl of things around me

everyone should just be happy..

[edit] i have waves and waves of rambling jumbled up notions and thoughts in my mind. why do we keep hurting each other? is it so damn fun. how do ppl become so vindictive, so cruel? is it by character or environment? i'm feeling incredibly removed from it all. maybe because i isolate myself from stuff? shrugs. but its only a temporary thing. escapism always is.

we plan our whole lives for the future. we save money, study hard, work hard and do so many things with the future in mind. i used to be so caught up in the past. and now i can finally see the present & future. but i have always this nagging thought.. what if one day you don't have that future anymore? what would you do. how would you change the way you live your life. what if you waited your entire lifetime for that one thing to make things right, and it never appears. do you crash and burn then? hmms. i wish i had the courage to live entirely for the moment. [/edit]

i don't like shiny happy people. anyone who knows me will know that. sometimes when someone tells me i'm so bright & cheery & happy-go-lucky, i feel like laughing outright in their face. hah. i don't believe in ppl being perfect. they always have a flaw. and i think it takes guts to show that flaw. and those who pretend to be all perfect and everything annoy & irk e shit out of me. plus i find them incredibly boring. cos being perfect seems just to be conforming to society's expectations. and how blah can you get being all placid, pleasant & perfect. hmms. all p-words.

i think weird, eccentric ppl are interesting (: makes life oh-so-more fun. hahaha. e more off tangent a person is, e more i'm drawn to them it seems.. well not to the point where they're fucked up or plain psychopaths. but yes, i like my weirdos, nerds and geeks. oh did i mention i have this soft spot for men who are incredibly knowledgeable & skilled in any field that would require time, education & effort to excel in. hahaha. confession of the day, erh morning :p

the sunset this morning was soft and beautiful (:

hahaha. i was rightly amused by this text i got the other day. sweet but still amusing.

thunderstorm time (((: i'm freezing in my study. but oh so lovely to hear the pitter patter of rain drops on my window.

i flit i float i prance the night away..

what do you do if you only have two hours to live. who would you spend it with? who would i spend it with? where would i go, what would i do? i'd so hate to die in a hospital. where everything is so white and bright, and smells horrible. somewhere out in the open would be nice.. with a breeze. i hope my last two hours come at night, or in the evening, or during a thunderstorm. i'd hate to die watching the sun in the sky -.- or if it had to be the day, a day where the clouds are all white and fluffy. the worst time to die would be in a cloudless sunny sky. i'd be the most miserable dying person around. dying aspect aside. i used to think as a kid that clouds were the steps to heaven. haha.

everyone always want a bit more, abit longer. i wonder what makes you want to ask for more time before you die? is it your character, unfulfilled dreams, too happy a life that you don't want to leave, someone you can't leave behind? but i think the worst thing of all, would probably be dying alone. that'd be the worst thing of it all.

i think my uncle has e most interesting friends. haha. and his parties always guarantees good alcohol and good food. yum yum. tongue & stomach very very satisfied tonight. heee. but listening to his friends talk.. its really quite interesting. like how some of em talk about their kids, and e dads wanting to buy shotguns to chase away potential suitors. smirks, i'm trying to think of e guys i know as such daughter-whipped fathers in the future. hmms. abit hard :p i wonder if that's what parents talk about when they get together. but looking at his group of friends. i just think that if 20, 30, 40 years down the road, i can still have my current bunch of friends still celebrating my birthday. i'd be the happiest person around (:

as everyone knows. i'm a obsessive compulsive person -.- once i choose to like something, its all or nothing :p hahaha. which is why i'm spending obscene amounts of money on my anime, manga and illustration books. gosh. my pile of manga is growing like an e^x curve :p (to quote cass). and erh yeah, i take quite awhile to read one. hahaha. cos i adore staring at e illustrations. so pretty boys. sighs. i wonder how the hell i'm going to choose which ones to bring to london. dieeeeeee.

4 wailing cats in a car (: 1 wailing girl in front of cathay being stared at by 3 frightened girls -.- 5 girls who seem extremely out of a place in a very old-fashioned family restuarant. 2 girls enjoying the long way home (or rather 1 driving, 1 having no clue where they were going). epitome of happiness. BIG GRIN

i'm a circular creature. i like the perfection of a circle, the never ending-ness it symbolises. i find time moves in a circular manner.. something that happens now, will happen many years later down the road. slightly tweaked, slightly different, but we always come back to the same place. and me. i argue in a circular manner -.- not very good for a lawyer. i always can't find the ending to things.

hmms. circles.

swoons (((((((((: the two new episodes of kyo kara maoh are FINALLY subbed & up on youtube. eeeks. so happy to hear & watch wolfram, conrad & gunter again. mehehee. now all i need is the new season of junjou romantica to start, the new loveless & junjou romantica manga to appear in front of me, and life would be PERFECT!

the idea of sitting on my couch, or by my table, with a hot cup of tea.. watching the rain come down. is making me actually not so reject the idea of going back to london.

that's e best thing about london, i get to watch so many rainy days. and i can just hide away in the comfort of my room (: no one to bother me really. lovely lovely lovely

你是我昨天的笑容　也是我今夜的傷痛...
我是你昨天的玫瑰　卻是你今夜的後悔.
- 情雪

when i was thinking about university. all i could of was experiencing a whole new world. new people, new environment, new emotions, new daily life. and while it was slightly different from what i expected, its a good kind of difference.. i think these 3 years, is really a time for me to be alone, not in a hermit no friends kinda way -.- but like to really figure out what do i really want. and learn that it actually is really nice to be alone. to not talk to someone, to admire the world within my thoughts. or maybe cause those who understand my thoughts are scattered all over the world that i choose to be alone. shrugs. but its good. and i like it (:

resolutions for e new school year
1. do my notes earlier -.-
2. do my reading & homework
3. try and keep the first 2 for as long as i can :p
4. have a rigid structured training schedule (latin/trampoline)
5. not let anyone push me around
6. only spend time with people i like
7. not give up on japanese & be proficient in it by e end of the year
8. not get entangled into any drama (hmms)
9. see angie more often
10. study harder :p

let's see how all of this goes. haha.

i hate it when people condemn things as useless or unnecessary. if you think it to be useless or unnecessary for yourself, then don't do it or use it. there's no need to impose your opinion on others.

i love tea ceremonies. the whole calculated precision, tradition, meaning of it all. chinese tea ceremonies.. the cup to smell, the cup to drink from. japanese tea ceremonies. the effort, concentration put into it. the turning of the bowl. if i had to choose one liquid to have for e rest of my life, it'd be tea (:

sometimes i wished i could skip everything and move on to the place where our souls lie whispering to each other..

my health is getting disgustingly worrying.

sometimes i feel that everything we do is so insignificant. so transient. something that mattered so much to me today might mean nothing tmr, much less ten years from now. and something that felt so normal, and part of everyday life, might be looked back upon in the future as the best happiest times. like no matter how happy i am now, or at peace with everything.. i will always see my rgs days as the best time of my life.

it really amazes me how everything in this world works sometimes. how things happen in their own way in their own time. how things fall away, and return. in a different manner and form. at a different time. how some words, some conversations and possibly the most random things stick in my head forever. and just thinking of the simple, sincere concern and affection, just makes my heart hum. i'm rambling here.. but my mum always tell me how horrid and disgusting people can be in the 'outside world', and i never believed her. till i came face to face with it this year. but still, i don't believe that it applies to the majority. cos i really feel i have the most wonderful loveliest friends. who never fail to make everything alright. sometimes i just think, if i can hold on to those i have now. just this group, and then i won't need anybody else. i'm tired of making new friends and seeing the worst sides of people.. i have my tried and tested bunch and it really seems enough.

time is such a fickle thing. five seconds can be so long to a weight-lifter, and yet ten years can be so short to someone who only has ten more years to live. i keep telling myself that the best is yet to come. what's meant to be will be. i'm ok with waiting.. its just i now have to learn how to be ok if all the waiting comes to naught.

dying inside to hold you
couldn't believe what i felt for you
dying inside
i was dying inside
but i couldn't bring myself to touch you

gahhhhhh. all i did today was go to big splash, watch men smooch around as though they were dying (which actually might be true if you did a bloody half ironman), smell alot of sweat and dirt, eat carls junior then walk home and i'm bloody dead tired -.- sheesh. my unfitness is hitting a record level high. this is sad. hahaha, but yeh i have great admiration for yipeng (y)

i'm extremely lazy to upload pictures when i'm in spore. i think its cos i have too many things i can do to occupy my time, like TV, CABLE, DVDS, SHOPPING, FRIENDS that i can't be bothered. haha. so yeh, wait till i get back to london. which will still be quite awhile. grins.

chinese wedding dinners are omg longggg -.- its like everytime i go to one, i start adding to my list of 'things i should never put my wedding guests too', that is if i actually end up getting married one day. smirks. the whole fairytale aspect of a wedding is entirely lost in sporean weddings really. it becomes a ritual of obligations that need to be fulfilled. fuck la, a wedding should be for the bride and groom. that's it. not the parents, grandparents whoever to show off or whatever. it should be done with sincerity and not have red roses cos red roses = love, or like a archway of flowers cos that's e way its supposed to be. haha. and what happened to the first dance (: the dance floor. the fun? sheesh. its supposed to be the happiest day, not a bloody funeral procession. sighs

i'm off to watch my ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni. tata. e fictional world is always so much better than reality -.-

despite everything, weddings still put forbidden, troubling, disturbing ideas and images into my head. that does nothing NOTHING good for me.

gosh tonight was lovely. reminiscing. plus the good food. and all the rubbish nonsense ming and i talked about in e cab. WHAHAAHA. i bet the cab driver was like 0_0 oh what wonderful (hilarious) memories. heee.

yay (: angela will be arriving tmr! bounces.

i'm making a new resolution for the new academic year. no more being pushed around. i was very unlike myself this year.. never really flaring up at people, or telling them exactly what i thought of them or of the situation. while i suppose being able to keep my calm and being above all the shit is good. i think i need to stand up more for myself again. being diplomatic doesn't mean i have to take everyone's fuck shit.

oh how i love tea (: hahaha. if i had to choose one drink for e rest of my life. it'd be tea. and i'm actually not that big a fan of english tea. but rather chinese tea and japanese tea.. nothing beats a rainy afternoon, a pot of tea and a good book